Part 3: Why is Tarbiyah important? (Continued from Part 2)
While we have different points of view about many matters, we all share deep concern regarding the state of the Muslim ummah today, in fact the state of humanity at large. At every level, starting from the nuclear family to the national and international levels, our affairs are characterized by selfishness and greed, dishonesty and corruption, abuse and exploitation, aggression and cruelty. Since families, communities, societies, and nations are made up of individuals, at the root of all this evil is corrupted individuals. And the cause of the havoc wreaked by these individuals is the diseased hearts that they house in their healthy bodies, for the Prophet ﷺ told us, “Indeed in the body of the offspring of Adam is a piece of flesh. If it is rectified then (the actions of) the entire body will be praiseworthy. And if it is corrupted then (the actions of) the entire body will be blameworthy. Know that this piece of flesh is the heart!”
Hence the problems in the world today are created by corrupted individuals, and what causes the corruption of individuals is their corrupted hearts.
This is because it is the feelings in the heart that determine our thoughts and desires, and hence our actions. A person who has a love of wealth in his heart, for example, will always be thinking about it, and will desire more and more of it. Hence his actions will be geared towards acquiring wealth, through whatever means necessary. Similarly, someone who has love for Allah ﷻ in his heart will always be thinking of Him, and will want to earn His pleasure and love, and his actions will be subservient to His Will.
- Feelings
- Thoughts
- Desire
- Actions
If we hope for the ummah of the Beloved Prophet ﷺ to live up to the ideals that he ﷺ established, and for a world in which human life and dignity is valued, and peace and justice prevail, we must begin by rectifying the state of our hearts, and the hearts of those whom we are most able to influence, i.e. our children.
Doing tarbiyah of our children means nurturing positive feelings, thoughts and desires in them, so that their actions will accordingly be a source of benefit to themselves and others. And conversely tarbiyah also means curbing the negative feelings, thoughts, and desires in our children, so that that they do not inflict harm to themselves or others.
For example, consider the following scenario: Your child has a fight with a child in school. He comes homes and says, “I hate that boy! He hit me so hard.” Usually, parents react in one of two ways, both of which impact negatively on the child:
“It’s not a big deal!” | “He’s a bad boy, don’t play with him again” |
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Both these reactions sow the seeds of negative feelings, thoughts, desires, and negative behavior in your child. Instead, if parents react in the following way, the negative impact of the unpleasant event is minimized, and instead positive feelings are created.
YOUR REACTION | IMPACT |
Ask your child how this episode made them feel and validate the hurt and humiliation that they express | We console our child and ease his hurt and give him the joy and comfort and confidence of knowing that we understand and care about him |
Point out the unacceptability of the other boy’s behavior. Say, e.g. “Hitting is very wrong,” “Hitting is never acceptable,” “No one has the right to hurt anyone else.” | We drive home the abhorrence of the act of hitting and hurting others |
Ask your child what may have led to the other boy hitting him and in doing so propose excuses for the boy himself (though not his behavior), such as not understanding that hitting is wrong, not being able to control his anger, being upset about something that has happened at home or in school. If this is a child who your child is friends with or has had positive interactions with in the past, remind your child about those to consider what may have led to this out of character behavior. | We can teach him to make excuses for others, as per the Prophetic injunction to do so. We also teach him to hate the sin, not the sinner, as per the teachings of our Beloved Messenger ﷺ |
Once your child has calmed down and begins to see the other child in a more positive light, turn your child’s anger into sympathy. Say, e.g. “You are so fortunate to know the difference between right and wrong, make du’a for that boy, that he also learns that hitting is wrong and can stop himself from doing it.” | We turn his negativity into positivity, and teach him to have sympathy for others |
REMEMBER!!!
A good person is one with a good heart, and a good society is one that is made up of good people—this alone is the recipe for a better world and a more promising future. Hence, doing tarbiyah of our children is not only important because we will personally be held accountable for it in the Hereafter (as discussed in our earlier post), it is our only hope to improve the state of the Ummah and make the world a more livable place for our generations to come.
Join “The Mum Club” at Sacred Living Center today and embark on a far-reaching journey to improve yourself, your children and your generations to come.
